februum

you come to me
in slivers

small parts
melting

water drops
sliding down
stained glass window

lit from within
with glowing
intonation

collecting
in small puddles
of glass memory

this is a slow
warming, winter
hands held

out
open
over

fire like prophesy

we ease into
the unknown

dipping our toe
tentatively like bathers

who, undressing
slip softly
into warm bath water

slipping softly

into each other’s
thoughts

in the end we were too much ourselves to be anything else

1.

last december
perched on a bar stool
my sweater slipped
over my shoulder, i
bared open to
your touch

your eyes
moved along my lips
tasting heavy words

thus

we crashed hard
into
everything we wanted
ourselves
to be

splayed open
we held fast to 
glimmery star promises
stuck to our teeth
caught in our mesmerized mouths

for a twinkling
there was healing

souls intertwining
cosmically rhythmic
we swayed into the night

2.

but we were only ever
ourselves

delusion
kissed our illusion
a sour goodbye

we overlapped
again, again, again

found we could not understand
ourself anymore

an exile in our native land
we wondered blind
until we fell into

distorted disarray

3.

this is where i tell you goodbye

it is not as hard
as i thought

to crash
into the future alone

4.

after the crash
i pick myself up

your roots
had dried inwards
my hands pull them
out swift

our overlap
not as
deep as previous
calculations
led me to believe

still

the gaping hole filled quick with
water and blood, i staunch
it with kisses thrown
gentle on my feet

5.

last night
at the coat check
i gave them your name

too heavy to carry with me
all night i said

they nodded
took it tagged it

when i left, i did not pick it up

for a glimmering

last night
we talked of soul softness

you & i
a small colony of
understanding
squished into
a plush red booth

“what do you think that looks like”
I asked of you

{soul softness is something
i have been trying to
conquer lately}

and you responded
“a sheep”

which is not what i was going for,
not at all

but your answer makes me
laugh, 12:30 a.m.
cocktail in hand
booth growing friendlier
by the minute
popping careless
chex mix pills,
laughter an easy
commodity to trade

and i ache because
the simplicity of it all
is too good
to last

for this moment though
let me dance in the
effervescent twilight
of these early days

when your arm slipped
around me easily
my stomach twinged in the
most pleasant of ways

taking lessons from
history, we know this
has a high chance of
crash and burn

but last night i saw
your soul
for a second
slivered bright

my hands caught it soft

it was the most innocent thing